Where is life taking me now…

2018 has  been one of the most challenging and life changing years of my entire life. It’s been a process of totally and utterly unravelling and a very careful and conscious rebuilding. And trust me, at 51 years old that’s really saying something.

 

I’ve lost and I’ve gained in huge and overwhelming proportions. But I made it. Even though I there were times I thought I couldn’t carry on with the burden and all the pain.

 

This year has created a new Me rising from deep inside to embrace all of my weirdness and creative interests.

 

I’ve learned so much…

Control was never mine and loosening my grip on life has not been easy. But I’ve learned to let so much go and to  breathe in the good things. To allow these things to teach me and feed me -because they will.

I’ve spent way too much time living in my head. I was a slave to my own vision of my future and not fully committing to living it, rather just dreaming it because it was safer and easier to dream.

I’m no longer worrying about other people’s opinion of me, how to keep their attention, how to appear more appealing, hoping for their validation. I’ve gone through the pain of unraveling to reveal ME.

I was completely drained by my past and all the painful memories it holds.

I was pulled and drawn into technology multiple times every hour of the day. Phone screens, tv screens, pc screen constant distractions.

I’ve learned to appreciate each and every moment and allow myself to lean in to the sensory experience of the simplest things.

To be present and engaged to fully feel a place while I’m actually in it could be just what I’ve needed all along. To live slowly and more consciously with the seasons and nature.

To devote the precious time to the people I’m sharing moments with. Because these moments create the whole living experience I’m here to participate in and life is passing by rapidly and fiercely.

 

Remember, You are the owner of your life. And Your life deserves to be lived your way.

 

All the loving vibes.

Elaine x

 

 

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