Dry your tears and lets fight baby!

Right breast mastectomy with immediate silicone implant reconstruction – done in May 2018.

The implant was placed on top of my chest muscle with some mesh to support it and for the first few weeks it looked great. But after about 4 weeks when the swelling began to subside the dreaded rippling appeared around my implant.

Gutted.

 

In addition, my nipples were no longer even after surgery -my right one was 3cm higher than my left. Oh deep joy. Just when I felt like the clouds were parting and I was moving forward with life, I’m pulled backwards yet again.

Gutted. Gutted. Gutted.

 

I kept my mind focussed though and didn’t allow any time for self pity or the ‘why me’ mentality. Lets face it, I’m still a very lucky girl and if this is the worst I have to face then absolutely bring it on. I’m 100% baddass and I know its time to dig deep (again) and push through yet another chapter of this breast cancer journey (again).

Fighting 100% Like a Girl.

 

So, I got an appointment to see my surgeon, Adam Critchley at the RVI and he was totally un-phased by this rippling around my implant. Apparently its to be expected with this type of surgery and can be corrected with lipomodelling (taking fat from the tummy and placing it around the implant). He also assured me that the difference in nipple height is easily fixable too and added me to the waiting list for surgery. I’ve come to love Adam so bloody much -The Breast Whisperer 🙂  He’s always got solutions to problems.

Yay!

 

On Thursday last week I got a surprise phone call from Adam’s secretary saying they had a last minute cancellation and was I free for surgery on Tuesday? Waaaah! YEESSSS.

Excited!

 

I grabbed the opportunity to have surgery and felt beyond elated after the phone call.

Then about 2 minutes after, I cried. Properly sobbed.

More surgery. More unknown outcomes. Surgery on the nipple of my good breast to match my rippling implant breast -is that the right thing? What if none of it works and I’m worse off? What if I mess up my one good breast? What if the fat grafting doesn’t take around the implant? What if I can never look remotely like I used to and I’m making things worse by going ahead with this? Will my husband ever find me sexually attractive again?

Yep, suddenly I was the Conductor and Driver of The Hot Mess Express and having a mini meltdown in a chaotic 15 minute panic driven spin. What if, what if, what if…. What if it was all going to be more than ok? -that happy thought was a million miles away and drowned out completely.

Thank God Keith got home from work and brought me to my senses.

Once I’d regained my composure and kicked my inner shit’s ass I felt calm(ish) again.

Phew!

 

I’m sat at home now 4 days post surgery and very happy with the results I currently see. The rippling has disappeared. My left nipple has been lifted and matches my right one. My lipo’d areas of tummy and ‘flanks’ (muffin top) are so tender and bruised. I feel like I’ve gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson and I’ve got 6 wounds with dissolvable stitches. That lipomodelling is bloody hardcore and painful stuff. Sore. I mean SORE. I’m bruised beyond words and walking with a stoop but all for good reason. Short term pain for long term gain 🙂  Only time will tell whether this surgery has worked and thats one thing I’m grateful to have -time.

Yes, I fight like a girl. 

Yes, life can feel awesome and shit in the space of 60 seconds.

Yes, I self destruct at times.

Yes, I kick the ass of my inner demons and fears.

Yes, I worry about whats coming next.

Yes, I worry about whether my husband will find me sexually attractive again.

Yes, I’ve 100% got this…because I fight like a girl.

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